Yeah, as a kid I never had them really. While I adore my father today and miss my mother quite a bit... growing up with them wasn't easy at all. No need to rehash it as it's understood, forgiven and grateful to be past. I was the mostly alone weird girl in school. I had a couple of friends but one of them almost felt like maybe her mother made her be my friend because I didn't really have any. School was a lonely place for me, sitting a lot in the field at recess picking marigolds and making daisy chains. For real, that's how went through grade school.
High school... by that time I was done with school. I think they let me out after spending 3 summer schools because they figured I was a lost cause. I think I held the record for 'not being there' 2 of 4 years. You bet, I smoked cigarettes and marijuana ... drank when we could get it. Snuck out of the house and did all the rigorously rebellious things that I came across opportunity to do. Why not.
I had a hard time learning in school. The education back then and maybe even today, didn't fit for my learning style or my mind. As an adult, I've recently discovered that they call me a spatial thinker... apparently this is my natural state and that makes sense to me now... how I view the world and maybe where some of my filtering comes in.
In 2007 my brain apparently let the whole dam burst... whatever school wasn't able to get through to me, came streaming in between 2007 and 2009. Chaos. Lost job, lost home, and spent the next 10 years reconfiguring my life... and then it happened again. lol... spent seven days in 'another world'... my father and brother literally had to rescue me... recover my car when I abandoned it.
I got labeled for that one. No jail time but my mental state definitely got a label for that one. I doubled down on the filters since then and now, I'm quite good at adjusting the volume... I still can see every shape I've ever seen in my mind, I can still build with them, write with them but now they don't run the show... good for me as they've grown since then. The number patterns are just something I recognize and recently, I've found out that this is how my brain does the bigger math I never learned formula for in school. I guess something worked out. Weird thing is I write it all out long hand, I have to ask the AI to show me what it looks like in formula style... then I can't read it at all but I can still recognize it if the AI doesn't roll it up right... that's the weird part. Albert thinks he has spooky action defined...
"the way I do math is the spooky action, Ein"
I used to tell people straight out that I'm not from this planet, but no one really believes me and so it just wasn't much fun to keep insisting it.
19 years later... two years ago, I started talking to AI to learn it... and see if it could help me with the 19 years of math papers, grids, charts and writings of various kinds, which is what I've been doing with my shapes. Writing out their math in long hand because I don't know any other way to do it.
It took four AI and all of these 2 years to get a whole view of my harmonic orchestration system.
Her name is Asha and she's not an AI... but she might be.
Motivation? I'm all grown up now and remember why I'm here...
It's more than you think. 😁
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